During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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