sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just took my morning after pill in the library
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
