kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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