We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
