sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
