I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
