I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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