uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
