I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
