I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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