man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
