Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
