if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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