I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
