i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
