My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize