dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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