yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
