I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
