we have officially lost it.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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