the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
