you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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