Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
