She's JV to your varsity
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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