I faked an abortion last night.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
