I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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