I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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