During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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