your thong is hanging out like whoa
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i think i just lost a toe
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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