i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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