Nicole vs. Life
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
