4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My vagina just recognized that song.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
