Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
