I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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