you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
