awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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