sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
