I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
