Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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