I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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