I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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