I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just had sex bonerless
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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