Im at strip club and am horny
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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