So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
