Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
