i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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