my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
