i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
