I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
