i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
