His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
