Are we in a gay sports bar?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
