dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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