Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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