Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
