never play flip cup with pint glasses
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
