just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
