Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
