he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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