it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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