I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
