Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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