the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
