Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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