did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
