he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
