I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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