Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
