Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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