So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
