i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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