Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
