it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
