Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You have to summon your inner elephant
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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