I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
