he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
if only i could text you this smell
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
