is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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