In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
